Dream

“most importantly love
like it’s the only thing you know
at the end of the day
all this means nothing
this page
where you’re sitting
your degree
your job
your money
nothing even matters
except love and human connection
who you loved
and how deeply you loved them
how you touched the people around you
and how much you gave them”

-Rupi Kaur

When you are far from home during holidays ..

Who wouldnt dream spending New Year´s Eve somewhere exotic, far from home, surrounded by people with different backrounds or ways of seeing life. In a land which language is not so familiar and the food what is not exactley usual for us. Yes, we all secretly dream of adventures and facing our fears, doing something crazy, saying YES to things we thought we could never do..

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..and then, we silently accept the usual and ordinary, we do not try to jump over our comfort zone, we just relax and let life carry us like a little fragile leaf.

To become a better, stronger and smarter. To handle everything what life brings to us, we have to be prepared. So getting out of the comfort zone is the very first step! However we see it, jumping off from the bridge, talking to a stranger, saying somebody we love them, there are different fears, everyone has their own frights to deal with. Second step is accepting. Saying “Yes, I am afraid of free falling and so what?!  I will jump off from the plane or off from the bridge, just to finally be free and be responsible of my own thoughts.” or “Yes, I really suck explaining my feelings because I dont know if I am loved back but I dont care, I say I love you because theres nothing to loose and even if you do not love me back, I still love you and I still want you to be happy!”

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I used to be afraid of travelling alone, so 3 years ago I decided to go on a trip to Spain, from (Estonia to Spain) totally alone, I was scared as hell but I decided to get over this fear. Now, 3 years later, I am living in Portugal, only 4068km from my home. When I came I was alone too but you meet people, you make relationships and create a family.

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Yes it is hard to be far from home, in a country where they do not speak your language, where they understand things differently, sometimes they dont understand at all but this is something we have to accept again. We are very different, we understand and see the world differently.

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Christmas, the holidays of family is probably the most hardest time to be far from home. Homesickness, lack of love or coldness – these are some thoughts that might influence your whole body not to feel good. Mind starts creating different realities and thoughts to protect itself from something what is not exactley there. I was in this with all my being. I had hard times adapting present because I wasnt in the present. My mind was constantly in the future, imaging how I finally get to home to hug my family and how horrible these next 1,5 month will be without seeing them. Oh, and these neverending skype calls .. (Sorry mommy and sissy!)

But actually it is another weakness. I believe the third step is to understand what makes us feel like this. What brings out these fears again? Being afraid of not loved back, doing something, loosing something, being alone somewhere although there are so many people around who loves us. In my case, it was just the combination of being all the time cold, all the time in somewhere dark and spending much time alone because its too cold or too dark or too.. yes, just the little things, but the little things actually creates our life, the little things make the big ones in the end but the little things are also the easiest to solve. Turn on the heaters or crab a coffee with a friend when there is daylight outside. Talk when you are afraid! Do not be afraid to ask help. Nothing happens when we sit at home!

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Finally, I had amazing Christmas, out in the countryside of Portugal, Miranda do Douro, with amazing Portuguese family. I tried wonderful foods, get to know really different way of celebrating Christmas, hugged a lot and not even expecting, I got presents. Not only things, I mean rather the feelings, the possibilities to actually be there, experience all this and be surrounded with so much love. #grateful

 

So in the end, we are the ones who create our future, crate our thoughts and life in general! Just by accepting that we have something inside and letting it in, changes already a lot. We also create the moments, we choose the people and conversations, we choose what we eat and what we dont. There are always options, we just have to listen to our heart. Thank you for one of the most amazing and eye opening Christmastime and New Year´s Eve, dear friends, you are the family I have here and I cannot be more grateful for that!

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R.I.P. George Michael, who said amazing words:
“You never find peace in your mind until you listen your heart!”
Because home is where your heart is!

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